I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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