Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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