my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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