Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need to calm my uterus...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
