When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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