I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
