I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
