she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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