capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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