I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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