I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm always down for nudity.
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