i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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