just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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