Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
