Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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