She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize