I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
