The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
