grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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