I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize