I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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