I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
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"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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