We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
