come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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