Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think your dad took our porno
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize