I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
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that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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