We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
