Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
