just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
