More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
