Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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