That's when you crack a 10am beer
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
