We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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