We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
