I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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