allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
