I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is it penis luge time yet?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
