Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
