Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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