eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
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