Umm I'm too high to move.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
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he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
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