I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
