My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
