Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
