i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
