Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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