Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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