Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
