in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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