So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
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The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
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the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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