he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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