Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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