The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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