I wanna passion pit in your ass
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
