I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
