Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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