a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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