And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
