Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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