Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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