hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
