I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
