Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz