Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
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In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators