My friends, they love my intelligence
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
