I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
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We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.