That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
