They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.