it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.