What a fucking waste of an outfit
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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