I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
