And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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