Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
