Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
