You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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