I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
