Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
