Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
