U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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